What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Randomize
