so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
