she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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