when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
