just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
