I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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