Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
