So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
