genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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