Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
