fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Just pee around me
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Randomize
