I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
