so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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