Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
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