flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
this will be a night to untag.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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