i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
