she was so not down for the gang bang
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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