woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
