$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
He shit in the fireplace
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
