He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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