Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
