we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Randomize
