am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
