alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
