How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
