just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
There r osticjed everywhere
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
