worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
