dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
