Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I stole a fireplace last night.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
