I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
