make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
