I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Randomize
