i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
