i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Randomize
