Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
