why didn't you poke me back
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
That accounts for only three of the penises
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Randomize
