My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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