just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
May the power of my ass compel you!!
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
