If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
