We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
