I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
