he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
