Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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