I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Randomize
