im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
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