just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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