Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
You can't just leave with hair like that
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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