im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Randomize
