I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
