I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Randomize
