scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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